The Nightmare

Dreams swirl in my head
the kind you have in bed
but with me

well

they never leave

so begins the car ride
following friends
and then
at the roads end
appears a twirling cloud
dangerous and loud

we divert
off
to find a safe place
to hold onto
to hide our face

we move from stone poles
to basement holes
walking about a house

many distracted
my friend detracted
with a constant wandering
while I'm wondering
where will it hit?
will the ceiling collapse?

and suddenly I have
a dog
and when it runs away
I discover my two scared cats

fancy that

so we hide
the storm arrives
somehow my love dies
and disappears
and as sorrow nears
they tell me I'm dead too

All my friends are dead as well
but this they tell
me
it is swell 
that we died now and together can be
so incredibly happy

we laugh and we have fun
and enjoy a few car rides

and then
a switch
and in enters darkness
a death warrant on our already perished heads
into the basement we return
and filled with water
we yearn to the bottom
hard to breath
but in lays something we need
and one of us kicks to the top
and says we need to stop

they have come to do us off

and so they come

an asian man I've seen in the movies before
he walks in and on a notebook
he pushes the number next to mine and I start to fade away

but I notice that though I've died
I'm still here
and my lungs scream for air
as my second number appears on his screen
and he pushes on my lungs

I try to pretend like I'm dying
but then I am
I push him off and say,"
I thought I was already dead"

and up I awoke, heart filled with dread, brought into reality
from a dream filled with plot
with details
and with characters

what is the story I am living
in the night?
If only it would be filled with light

and so that is my prayer
that God would take me there
above these feelings and thoughts
and what ever darkness has been brought

to see his face
to be in his place
and to know
him.

The end.

Amen ( :

The Embers

Wheels turn
and a fire burns
poof
in comes the air
to get it from here
to there
flames touching the roof
and like paper
the embers twinkle and glow
until all you know
is the walls crumbling slowly
orange
and then black
and in comes the slack

crash

so is my time with that
with wedding
with house
with all
with trying my best not to fall

and all the while stumbling
and huffing
and choking
but some how smiling
and laughing
and joking

a light at the end
to marry my friend
and know that it was worth
every ember

and all these things I will hardly remember.

Creativity

"Creativity is God's gift to people with issues." -my father

On a long distance phone call with my dad and this is the wisdom he pops out. Never fails. He always has a corny or witty thing to say and sometimes a one liner that sticks with me forever.

I'll never forget the time my Dad told a crying college me not to worry about boys- that "if I do the things I love, I will find someone who loves to do the same thing."

Well, I have and I am so thankful. I am two months away from our wedding day and I am so incredibly grateful.

I am grateful to a God who answers prayers and who loves me in very very funny ways. I am grateful for a family and community that supports me for me and all the "issues" I might have/deal with.

I am thankful for a job that is filled with the most loving and funny people on the planet. I am thankful to know my job is making a difference is made every day (even if it doesn't always feel like it). I am thankful to begin moving into the new duplex that Tyler and I will live in when we are married. I am thankful for Tyler's awesome new job! I am thankful that my dad will be up here this weekend.

Most of all I am thankful that this year, God is really teaching me to let go. It's not an easy year by any means or an easy lesson at that. However, I have felt his blessings in small and big ways continually.

Here is to being creative and wrestling with the implications of the issues that underly that.

Above all though, here is to being thankful ( : for a God who constantly provides against all odds.