I woke up this morning and just knew I could not go to work. I prayed and prayed and prayed, Lord, let me know what you want me to do- I feel sick and exhausted but let me know what to do. As I found my boss' number in my contacts she immediately picked up and from my scratchy almost nonexistant voice I knew I had made the right choice- to stay home.
Now as I start my morning stirring around my apartment, eating, drinking water and cleaning, I paused to listen to one of my favorite speakers and unofficial mentors- Christine Caine. After watching a few videos on her blog I was somehow connected to this one.
It stirred me and challenged me in a way God always uses her voice to do. As I sat and listented to her talk about the inhumanity of sex trafficking and the impact that we can have by saying that this will not happen under our watch, I was taken aback. Previously having been involved in the abolition field by supporting a dear friend, I had been a part of the group working to stop this horrendous reality. Now what? I found myself asking. I want to make a difference in all I do and to really leave some goodness in the world through my life. The answer, one step at a time.
You see, God, in my life at least, has often used tiny steps of obedience to reveal a bigger picture. Those who are trusted with little will be trusted with much. And part of that can be done by looking at the injustice around and in us- choosing to believe his truths, and really to put ourselves in an uncomfortable place. It often is hardest to do what is right but be careful. The devil knows this and uses many tactics to attack us including asking us to give up things that the Lord has not required of us. It is always a good practice to vet out these questionable requests with a time of prayer and reflection upon the truths you know of the Lord. Often, the devils schemes are shown in this moment.
Now, the devil is an interesting character. Growing up I did not really believe him to be true. I believed in heaven and hell but it wasn't till I was in my dear friend's youth group that I began to see the negative impact of this force that is the devil. His reach extended beyond Hell to the constructs of reality- into the every day moments of our world. I was so on fire for the Lord and wanted to do everything right that I began to learn the difference between what is evil and what is truly good. But learning the truth and living it are two completely different things. It has not been till nearly 7 years later that I an learning the actuality and practically of what it means to follow Jesus- love, grace, patience, humility and meekness.
In all of these things, because we often do not understand love, grace is my favorite. Grace is showing love to those who do not deserve it or which is harder for our pride- forgiveness. So often we will say, I love you but I can't forgive you right now. Working with kids I know that this statement is so intensely false. A child can hit another kid and it angers you so much because they just hurt someone that you love BUT if you speak into that child that they are a horrible, mean, and a manipulative kid- guess what they will become? Those things you spoke. The same goes if you are to speak life into someone whose life has been anything but what would seem to be "the good path". Believing that God has good plans for everyone is crucial. We are open to a vulnerability that will often almost crush us, but through that God teaches us strength and resilience. I pray I never lose that vulnerability for the sake of my own protection. I know with time it will be less natural to open up as I enter into a family and my new role is to to build up a culture and a structure stemmed by my husband and I and I will want to protect my children from so much. But I pray that though I do protect their purity, that I lovingly introduce them to the world and the ways that we can and will make a difference to the world. I will introduce them too to the knowledge and the hope that is to be with God and to walk with him daily.
This is my prayer for today though, that as you read this you realize that "though you are drop in the ocean, the ocean would be less without that one drop" (mother theresa). You are important. Your life is significant. So stop acting like its not and focusing on all of your problems (I'm preaching to myself here), but rather take the responsibility for the light that you have been given and show the world the love and grace you have been shown. You can do it! I believe in you ( :
Have a great and very blessed day!
e
