Missing you

Drunken byes
are the ones behind
eyes
lying and untrue

trying to appease you
you who broke my heart
and set me free
because not one day did you see

me for the person God made me to be
and in this moment
of a wine filled woo

I am broken completely from you
singing sad lullaby's
my heart opens to your hurt
it was worth the work
and now

where are we
God set us free
but why am I captive

by fear
fear of the things
that keep me hostage
in this collage
of random people and things

Lord, I want to cut away
that which brings me turmoil and pain
but where is the blame
on them or on me

open my eyes that I may see
set me apart to show
the things I already know

but time
has layered upon
till I could no longer see

or maybe these things
were always unknown to me
but always true
and in unearthing them
you are slowly
showing me what to do
and how to truly and adequately
love you

knowing that it cant be me
that does it all
alone I will always fall

but in you
I truly will soar
so to you
I drunkenly or sober pour
my heart, my soul, my all

you were my wonderwall. 

HUMP DAY INSPIRATION

"FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU,' DECLARES THE LORD,' PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU, PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE."
     JEREMIAH 29:11

You

When everything in me would quit
that's not the point of it

I stand up tall to sing
and find myself down on my knees
not out of reverence
but desperation
what has happened to this generation

that we all cry out for more
and wonder what life is for
are we world changers
and help things to move

or followers of our own hearts and dreams
ignoring the screams
of the nation
and those in need

As we traverse these crazy waters
are we malevolent squatters
waiting our turn
to earn
our keep

but unintentionally let seep in
seeds of laziness and sin
where it seems no hope to win

and as we "wait"
we hesitate

where is the healthy boundary
of standing in hope
and standing in strength
what length should we stay
when all in us screams
and urges
and pulls at us to run

when life is more and more void of fun
of fullness
but in that empty moment
when we feel absolutely spent
and can do no more
caught up in a mental war

you sweep in
scoop us up in your arms
and say that there is no harm
that you are here
and you have not devastated us
or deserted
you are here
and you are near
and you are never a hug away
and you came all that way
today in worship
to say all those things to my heart

so that no more
I rely on boy or toy or job
or try to raise hob (which means mischief!)
but rather gladly run
into the story you have made
and my love for you
grow and not fade

but in you trust and know
that is a season for you to sow
and me to grow
and I have to hold tightly to your arm

you are never far
despite our scars
but you heal them all
and catch us before we fall
you are here to save the day

in every single way.

The Big S's- Sincerity & Security (God is this)

Screech, crunch, turn
how the numbers burn
as the wheels fall into place
and we find that special place
of you and me
and free-
dom

won
in the here and the now
hidden by complexity somehow
but revealed in the simple truth
of the blueprint

of our A & G & T & C
the DNA of you and me
how I twist around your word
and Spirit
and He opens up my heart to hear it

and as you form and mold me here
you are slowly melting all my fears
and on your firmness stand
as I feel your reassuring hand
on my back
and then my butt

giving me a reassuring and loving shove
to what
you've graced me to be-
my skills, my heart, my soul
in being me I'm whole
because I'm wholly yours

this news soothes my sores
wounds of people from the past
telling me how I wouldn't last
or couldn't be
a good enough me

not funny, or witty, or wise
or so many other lies
but you have created me to be
gregarious at times
silent others
but hand crafted
as a life changing machine
and as I look around
to know what it means
each step surrounds
and swallows
filling this deep dug hollow
with warmth and strength and love

because you've always had a plan above.

"11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.14 I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity.t I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
     -Jeremiah 29:11-14 

Thank you for revealing that it is good and godly to be me, and for always putting reminders in my path like good friends, experiences, and great blogs.

(hope this appeal/poem to God appeals to your heart in a way that moves it to change from where you were 5 minutes ago! Love you!)

Finding Jesus

A metal ball
with pulses
pushing and pulling
telling
and fooling
till at last
in the middle
strongly drawn to this or that
till moving there and here and over
I sat
no more to bend
no more to almost break
it is too little too late
and I am done
this race is run
I'm bursting this ball
breaking the point of it all
to see
what I was meant to be
and that was
someone not about me
but about you
and that's what I aim
for
align, pull and.....

shoot!

off I fly
no more time to cry
or ask why
or worry
or care
about the things not there
but forward I go
not fully knowing
but the trusting
the wind to shove and push
till I land
with a soft
mush
right into your hand
your plan
and all of you

I love you, Lord!

Amen!

(trying to find Jesus midst the confusion)

All is Well

Walking in the crowd
which is screaming back so loud
of who I am
or should be

Lord, who is me
am I green
or grey or blue
am I what I see
or what I do
or who I know
or how I grow

and then

with curtains pulled back
the world folds
buildings fall
trees become small
and at the core
is a seed
the one thing I need

and its you

believing in
and loving
when nothing is warranted
and yet everything gained
midst the great growing pains
of pushing through this earth
past the crust
the crushing hearth
that keeps us back from you

Lord, knowing myself
my quirks, my ticks, my wants
I see
that all along
I thought myself someone else
and tried to squeeze inside that hole
that unfit mold
only to find that is not right
or even mine
but there is a better one with time
not kept in one place in one way
but different

and the key turns
my heart set free
which flies with a turn
singing "weeeeee"
ready to tell
the world that finally, for a moment,

all is well.

On a related vein- check out this great blog by Christine Caine on Identity Theft.

Don't give in // Sleeping soon

God, you are not the follower
No, you are the author and when I unclasp
my fists and release
fall to my knees, give words to the pen

then, I see

I can breathe

and on we go
not really in the know
but able to go

when we thought we were done.

///

Having trouble sleeping
of a serious kind
what is this ailment of the mind
not happy to be here
forward
or behind

Lord, what is the path
of ambling I'm on
of extreme joy
and hysterical laughter
that purges way to gasping breaths
that fears what is too soon

like a house we have never seen
to sign for a year
or the creeping of questions of enough
or am I supposed to be here
and like this?

and You, Lord,
are a mystery
sometimes so beautiful
and others so mean

but is it the world that really
is that way
and you are the one I blame
you whose name
my heart has saved
Lord I cannot say enough my thanks
and yet here I wait

wait not for your stillness mercy and peace
but for my piece
my place
I ask, seek your face
for my profit and my heart
but Lord that's the start
to see where I am wrong
what I've done all along

and change

let's sleep... and soon
soon the moon will lull away
my pain
and all the worries of the day
for it was filled to the brim
but tomorrow
in thankfulness swim and be

free.