Surrounded by paintings
driven by the goal
to finish these things
to make them whole-y
Yours
to do Your work
and yet I sit
and write ( :

Beauty is Our Complexion

Mind transformed
world reborn
as each thought
explodes

into goodness

what would
bless
me
like this?

what beautiful bliss-
to come from simple steps
of first here
and then there

and guess what?

He actually cares
his hand spins
in and out the people
that mean the most

a host
of moments
of perfection

beauty is our complexion
when we are in love with You.

Head throbbing
the world knocking
cannot see it for what it is
is there a possible bliss
beyond this hazy mist
as my head threatens to expand and explode
swelling at every node
and so my pillpopping self
swigs back with caffiene
the thing to help me see
but for everything there is a purpose

even migraines... ( :

Conversations in B&N

Things would fall to the floor
as I cast them left and right
and forward
and back
till suddenly
the slack in my mind
snaps to
and I know what to do
I go to You
and You lead me to him
as my thoughts
I'm drowning in

he holds my arms
and rubs my back
pulling in the slack
showing me the hope
a more perfect scope
casting out an answer
for this problem-some riddle

and like a quick release
please
forget these things I've said and done
forget them as the setting sun
forgets the day
the way we've lived
and the things we say
quickly and with haste
like a paste
paint it to
the parchment of yesterday
no more to stick to me now

yes,
how beautiful like the unique spots on a cow
it is to learn something new
about how to live and do
today I'm dying to myself to live
but not in the way to sacrificially give
but more to accept
whatever is next
as a present from You

yes, Lord, that's what I am to do.

Love You. 

//

Never, never, never give up.
   Winston Churchill

Filter//Running

I have a question for you- Have you ever seen something on facebook and been like- I wish I had that?

It's so funny because God used a moment just like that to remove the filter I have been using to see my life through. If you pull back the comparison, the pressure, the ideas and see it for what it is- I see my life for just a moment as it really is- good! I've been blessed to visit two of my favorite people in the entire world up in New York this past fall. I've had ample opportunity to experience life and to push the limits with some of my favorites here in Charlotte. I've had good friends have babies, seen my family more, and been blessed with a job and coworkers that are amazing.

When you pull back the filter of comparison, you can see life for what it really is.

//

Running
seems like the thing
to do

feet to the pavement
asking what He meant
as each street side I peruse

each passing stride
I use
till thoughts turn to pain
and as it would rain and fill
like a shrill car horn

threatening to make my heart
leap from my skin

but then, then I look within
and what do I see
but a beating heart
a new start each day
a hope
a love
a belief

that is a relief
and not a burden

and if I am hurting from that hope
and need to cope
He will say, "nope,
you've had it wrong
all along
I will set you free-
seek me."

and so I run and I run and I run
trying to contemplate
not all my thoughts are covered
some are running up late
but then
like a crashing plate
they disappear
shards
there and shards
here
but no more
is mind a clouded mess
but I am someone running- and blessed.

Thankful for this life and my creator!

Dream Fulfilled

Words hit my ears
that normally would spear
and well they do

deep down
they slide
like a gulp

through my throat
dripping
down

to my stomach
till my heart
starts to ache
oh how to be real, to be genuine
not fake
not rake away this hurt
where are the words?

there are none

and so instead I rest in You
slip into your peace
and piece by piece
behind closed eyes
you orchestrate
the things on my plate
in a way to be consumed
processed
and moved beyond

and so I awake
not fake
but real
able to feel good

exhaustion onset
and more could I have slept
but in Him pressed forward
missing the word
to express
this mess
my dreams and mind had been

so I didn't tell him then
but when I did
he as usual drug it out
till I was like a spattering spout
spraying out words
of hurt
of raw
everything

and you know what he said?
not a thing
demeaning or insecure
but things that make me so sure
that this one
is one to be held tightly to
and given thanks for
surely he is a gift straight from the Lord.

//

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
 Proverbs 13:12

Stoop Thoughts

I sat down on my front porch steps and as I gazed at the herculean clouds billowing past I thought, "Why don't we disconnect more like this?"

As I watched these clouds and a few black specks that my non-corrected eyes made out to be birds that swept in and around the wisps of wind pushing these large clouds forward you would think this moment- full of life and hopeful meaning would capture my attention, but you would be wrong (sorry!). My gaze started to shift from this beautiful, peaceful, and divinely purposeful moment to my phone. This small simple electronic device to which so much of my life is constantly tethered.

I thought back to an article I read one time at a trip to Barnes & Noble with Tyler about boredom and how it rejuvenates and builds the pathways of our mind. And yet... our society has taught us to not be bored- to fill our every moment with some sort of entertainment or expression. In attempt to stay away from these two categories which stave off boredom, I bound them together in a folder titled "free time" thinking this would make me realize the choice I was making to surf facebook over doing something to be or to invest. So here I was torn between the eternal and the temporary.

What brought me to this moment on my stoop, sitting on the edge of nature but drawn to my phone? Well, I hate to be alone. My house felt stuffy. I hadn't been outside all day save for my walk to the car and to and from work. I have too much to do and had no energy with which to do it. It also seemed a great place to sit and eat some dinner. But really, how often I am drawn to this place of choice between a temporary filling and a long term filling. Often, I fall for the temporary and forget the things that make life so full. So what it is it? What are the things that make you so full and how can you live your life in a way to choose the divine/good more than the temporary connection?

Prayer is the only way I've found so far and I've just begun. Fill yourself with goodness, one choice at a time.