A drop can destroy if it is from a boy....

What a drop
to destroy
the way I do
me
and how you have made me
to be

what a different phase of being
and yet
why am I seeing
so much disconnect

and a need to protect
death and decay
having their way with each passing thought

not jealousy brought
but a recurring hurt
of not being enough
which is tough

because there is one that I love
more than I ever did the other
and yet it still smothers
my beating and anxious heart
which starts
and patters
what's the matter?

I ask
trying to bask in a moment of peace
a sweet release from the norm
but on comes the storm

not just that
but with a splat
drops are pouring
as the lives are warring
taking tiredness out on the other

yes my heart is smothered
Lord so much to do
and to say
and not seeming a way
please help light the way
cover me with your shade
help me see how I have been made
and who you are
let me not go far

amen.

(so thankful to be with a man)

Sacred Moments

Sacred are the moments when
the world that once so jarringly spinned
smooths
for a time
and like the teal and lime
that curls over
the line is drug
cutting
glass
as water spills
a breaking of the wills
cascades over
and I
with hands overhead
tumble
and am dead
dead to the things "to do"
dead to the things "I once knew"
done and through

as I seek "you"

I feel the pressure
I feel the want
and as if I have squandered
minutes, moments, years
filled with sorrowful tears
of guilt
and wishing
and now life is dishing
rest without rest

a true test of morals
and I
with my florals
lie
dead

burnt beyond relief
but what is this I see?
a call
oh wait! now two
and suddenly I can do

I want to live
I want to breathe
something is alive inside of me
on my own I cannot
but these gifts have made
a way
to make it through just today

(not suicidal just burnt out to the max and feeling blessed from some calls from three of my favorite people on the planet- seeing his grace through them when I cannot otherwise move. So thankful and full of praise today!)