Found this unpublished in my wall of blog posts- needed to hear a lot of this myself. Funny how God uses the things we write to teach us. Enjoy! Let me know what you think ( :

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A few things to be visited as I wrap up my night. Wow, what a rush of emotions that come at the peak of realizations.

1. Following the Spirit is always right and almost always uncomfortable. On top of that it usually takes energy beyond what we want to expend at that moment. Do I always follow? No. But when I do that is when my life is most fully lived and I feel most energized/in the fullest place. Teasing out a thought versus a leading of the Spirit is often no fun but comparing what we are feeling with scripture often helps to find the truth.

2. We all live to express. Something in us wants to get across who we are and how we were made and wants to be remembered. We have a true yearning for that. Some of us write, others yell or tell loud stories (t) or just live extravagant/adventurous lives where they are in a constant state of expression. Whatever your way of expressing is, we were innately made to leave our mark on this world. There is some one thing that you have a burning desire to do or to be. We spend a lot of time dreaming and don't usually do this. It doesn't mean necessarily quitting our day job but rather make it a part of your life now. I love writing but I can't do that full time- but I can do it for fun and hopefully the things I write will help inspire someone to do what they are supposed to do in some way. Expressing out of love is not in vain. It can be convicting, inspiring and uplifting. This is what adds to the space of our life and the story of God. What do you feel like is your part or calling?

3. Complaining is overrated. 

4. So is talking about people to make conversation. A good friend reminded me today how the bible says to take complaints directly to that person and in a marriage that is what we should do. We shouldn't talk to our girlfriends about him and sway their opinion towards our man but rather talk to him. This ties in in this- what if we used this for every relationship. With our boss, our friend, our roommate, our significant other, and our families? How much more authentic would our lives be. We would talk about things that mattered and how we can work to change this world for good as we have been called to do (as Christians).

4. Being tired is hard and makes us hardly want to do the right thing BUT every single person is struggling. We can all reach out to God and find peace in him- no matter what. Every time we choose him, we win. Maybe not in the way we thought or hoped we would- but in a perfect and beautiful way, if only we will take on his perspective. The best way to do this is through studying His word each day and letting his instruction never be overtaken in your mind. But this should be done not out of obligation as I have so many times in the past but out of love for his commands. How you achieve this I'm not entirely sure. I started with something I loved- the Psalms and just dove in one psalm at a time. It has made for a daily shift in the way I live and an increase in the quality. I still get tired and feel lost sometimes but His words always bring me home. Sometimes we just aren't getting it though and the bible seems condemning and it all seems impossible. Call home or your closest Christian friend, or whoever is on your heart (i.e. you are thinking about), tell them what is going on and ask for advice. 9/10 this always helps. God uses his children to answer the prayers of his other children. Funny how it happens but is true.

Honestly, life is a mess and I feel inadequate probably 90% of the time but its all about the little things. How far have you improved in that feeling- do you feel less inadequate, have you made more friends, have you smiled just a little more today? Whether you are in a slump or on a hill top ready for adventure- life goes on and so does God's plan for you even when you find it hard to believe it.

It's amazing how God has surrounded my life with words of wisdom and encouragement against my greatest wishes. I hear the messages and get enraged- because nothing inside of me wants to leave my safe little bubble to deal with the mess inside of me and in the world but to live, friends, this is exactly what we have to do. We have to follow that tension of God till our bubble bursts and our world breaks and then all of the world in God's glorious splendor comes to life. I'm not there yet but I will be and I hope you will too ( : Choose life and choose in each moment to follow God, it will be hard but you won't regret it. Life may seem easier without God but truthfully, he will transform you in a way that nothing else ever can or will.

Good luck and can't wait to hear from you!