32 weeks as of tomorrow.

What a journey- only 8 more weeks to go.

Pregnancy has been no joke.

It's as if God has used my dreams (so vivid and wild) to address all of my lingering issues. Then, when that had been accomplished he brought it into my family life. Now that that has been addressed, back to dream world.

I'm thankful for the process. I'm thankful not to be like a stagnant pool, collecting odds and ends and foaming up with a putrid smell. I feel like a tiny stream stretched over a long way. Bounding over rocks and stumps and pulling little things along with me. In the discomfort, there is beauty and great wealth. Some days I wake up and anxiety rolls over too. Those days there is no place to hide- everything in me is a mess. Other days I feel so confident and strong and free. The nights I don't sleep often invite Anxiety to come hang out the next morning.

Despite the stretching and growing and stresses, pregnancy is a miracle. Every kick I feel is like a breath of fresh air. It makes me so happy and in an odd way, makes me feel loved. I can't wait to meet this little guy. I can't wait to see if he has a quirky smile or if his eyes twinkle. I can't wait to hear his laugh and feel his little arms grab onto my neck, nuzzling in.

I can't wait to push him into the water of life and see how he swims. All the while trusting and knowing that he will have the best teacher beside him, guiding him like He guided me. I can't wait to meet Jesus in the rough moments- and in some ways for the first time, truly understand His love. I can't wait to be perfectly imperfect and for the first time in my life- to stop.

to stop trying to do everything

to stop trying to be everywhere and there for everyone

to really let go.

As Tripp, our whirlwind of a dog, lays stretched at my feet I am able to rest.

In the background, plays a meditation.

Each time it stops anxiety starts jumping in my heart and pulling at my hair. I restart the meditation quickly and am able to return to the life of writing.

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I've always thought of this blog as a way to be honest. A way to let others know that they are not alone in their messiness. As I grow as woman and as a Christian, I am amazed at the messiness around me. I'm surprised too by the beauty in it.

Hope you have a blessed day!

e