Sunday, October 11, 2015

Prologue

My parents bought me my mac to go back to grad school with.

My GRE scores just expired and my son was just born. Now it is my lifeline. It is a way for me to maintain normalcy despite a fractioning of all that I have known.

He is a little ball of love and a screaming flurry of fury. He needs milk all the time. I am that milk. I am in some ways little more than a comforter and cow. More than that I am a mother. I know that but when it comes to the moments of craziness where I don't know what to do I feel like a cow. He actually is a very laid back, sweet tempered, talkative and a hilarious baby. However, I am in survival mode and that 5% of the time he is crying- seems suddenly like 100% of the time.

A good friend once told me how its hard to find your identity again as a mom. You lose yourself in a kid. It is easy to see that already as the storm rises from his lungs with an incessant and God given need.

Right now he coos quietly beside me as he dreams of giants and soldiers and swords.

I breathe thankfully knowing I have at least 5 more minutes of this. 5 more minutes of normalcy.

Without him my life would bare an aching emptiness but with him things will never be the same.

//

Here is to the journey of a lifetime!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The poem written despite a hyper puppy's attempts to destroy my computer, creativity and any form of concentration

Late night with God

//

any time now
he could come
first breath

and I
waiting
try

to sleep
ohhhh creeps
ice cream

I lean
want to scream
and so
the dreams

are at bay

I turn to a craft
realizing how daft
a late night crafter can be

in between
parts
I look at the art
that is
twists and knots
once forgot
but at the banks found
pushing
shoving
nudging
till wedged
they lay

saying hey
to those
who pass their way

these things
laid on brick
now say hey
look at me today

and I
see
what our creator sees
for the first time in days

and my heart says

praise

praise that I see
praise that in this moment I can be
without fight
between heart and head
and instead

just believe...

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Effervescent

Play

feet up

feet down

looking at the crown

of the world

hair dirt streaked

a whir

of green

brown

blue

nothing better to do

not a care

freedom

not flighting

but here

as each tug of my muscles

thrust me

into an oblivion

of colors

and wind

and most of all

higher

and with each new height reached

a level of breathing breeched

something now

that is all to often

beached

by heat

by cold

by babies

by growing old

why can't we play

all the more

knowing what it is for

and how rare it is

oh that beautiful effervescent bliss.

//

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

John 10:10

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Most Beautiful Commercial in the World

Perfect Wish

sometimes
I wish
that I could swim
like a fish

dive deep below

where no one would know

and oh the places I would go

deep
where lights eerily gleamed

or high
where the sunlight streams
and all you see
is the occasional

behemoth

mouth wide
catching its prize
slowly
dancing in the rays

or become small
and spend time
where the kelp is tall
and the fish swim in and out

or where the waves
make a shout
and everything clings
grabbing at the nutrients
each wave brings

oh to be a fish
what a marvelous
and perfect wish.

//

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was thrown into the sea and gathered fish of every kind."

Matthew 13:47

Guest blog ( :

Luke 10:25-37New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a];and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]”

28 “You have answered correctly,”Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

29 But he wanted to justify himself,so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Footnotes:

Luke 10:27 Deut. 6:5
Luke 10:27 Lev. 19:18
Luke 10:35 A denarius was the usual daily wage of a day laborer (see Matt. 20:2).

New International Version (NIV)

Monday, August 24, 2015

To Wait is to Do

Words

drop heavy on my heart

and yet

so quickly

depart

how to help

how to express

how to give

and yet as I live

with each breath

that is

I feel something new

that drawing to do

towards something new

and towards anything but here

truly here

not lazy

not sleeping

here

breathing in the twirling air

the dragon breath of her pants

the kicks of his feet

the frustration from her running

and almost being hit for the umpteenth time

frustrated from the past

and not knowing

or changing my eyes to see

so much frustration in me

that is what is here

what is near

like a crab trap buoy I float

things lie beneath and things above

but i

tethered

and slopped on

am stuck

and as muck is passed from the waves

to my head

I have to remember what You have said

I have to breathe

and believe

I have to bounce

and receive

and as the muck

slips on by

I know what it is to try

to do and to fail

to cry and to wail

but also to breathe and to do

and to give it up to You

and so as my dog

runs

while my heavy body

pulls and whines

the air hard to find

I choose to breathe and do

and give it up to You

maybe this special training

is something in parenting I'll do too ( :

“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”
PSALMS 130:5-6

Beautiful Things Are Messy