Every song screams your name
every day seems the same
in the things I think
and seem
to dream
to wonder
and blunder
into those stumbling thoughts
caught
in the turning tide
no more to run and hide
but stand and fight
till I set my sights
to see
the road in front of me
diverged
far from you
that's what I've got to do
to put one step forward
and not just slowly amble
off into the sunset
but one foot to the ready
on your mark, get set...
go
A different girl
you'll always know
then who I am now
or am going to be
and someone else
will truly see
me for who I am
and at the core have always been
will open me up
and will always defend
protect and keep
my place with him and with God
Night of the Roxboro nod
we will laugh until we cry
and I will wonder why
I ever settled for less
than this thing that God has blessed
but till that day I see
the friends God has placed in front of me
whose voices alone
makes me feel so at home
yes, this is the life!
Thank you, God! Deuteronomy 2:7
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
PULL ME THROUGH
Something in me just wants to write and write
until everything is right
until I am able to believe
all that you have placed inside of me
because now I cannot fully see
but just like Joshua
I will go and do
and see things through
without question or a moments glance
I will give each of these things a chance
in every moment be
so that you might use all of me
that my purpose be fulfilled
just as you have all along willed
and planned
I sit safely in your hand
though the world around me tumbles
and at times it seems you mumble
I know I haven't left that place
your hands cup my face
and say
"you will make it through this day"
so whether alive I wake
and ready to face what might come
or its that sad and weary some
there you will be
ready to help me
knowing that this is just a time and a season
with a perfect and specific reason
and in times when I forget
you teach me something new yet
I still don't know fully
all you are churning
or what is in my heart that is burning
but bring on the pain
if it will one day bring the refreshing rain
of you because that is enough to pull me through.
*from the archives of my email, only shared it w/ my beautiful sister before
Something in me just wants to write and write
until everything is right
until I am able to believe
all that you have placed inside of me
because now I cannot fully see
but just like Joshua
I will go and do
and see things through
without question or a moments glance
I will give each of these things a chance
in every moment be
so that you might use all of me
that my purpose be fulfilled
just as you have all along willed
and planned
I sit safely in your hand
though the world around me tumbles
and at times it seems you mumble
I know I haven't left that place
your hands cup my face
and say
"you will make it through this day"
so whether alive I wake
and ready to face what might come
or its that sad and weary some
there you will be
ready to help me
knowing that this is just a time and a season
with a perfect and specific reason
and in times when I forget
you teach me something new yet
I still don't know fully
all you are churning
or what is in my heart that is burning
but bring on the pain
if it will one day bring the refreshing rain
of you because that is enough to pull me through.
*from the archives of my email, only shared it w/ my beautiful sister before
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Still Learning That God is Good
I would be remiss if I did not talk about the things that God has done in this past week.
First, lets start off with what went wrong- had some bad news about something that happened to one of my dearest and most beautiful friends, heard that a friend from high school that I've known for most of my life had been hit by a car and killed, was messing up continually at work unintentionally and couldn't seem to get a break and/or focus, my Aunt Mary died, and on top of that have been wrestling pretty intensely with bouts of depression and fits of insecurity/self deprecation.
Sounds pretty bad right? I literally reached a point the other day of absolute saturation as if anything bad could happen and it couldn't affect me any worse than the other things combined. I wasn't acting myself and literally just couldn't be.
Thankfully, that's where it all changed. My boss talked to me about what was going on and so began the turning point. I saw how I could choose to change and not let my situations change me.
(All of this time had been praying for God to intercede and he did, at the last minute, but perfectly).
That same day, I talked to my dear friend, Leah Godfrey. She just spoke so much life into me about how God loves me and even when I'm dealing with things and have trouble believing- God isn't disappointed and she was there to believe for me. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I realized then that I had been struggling with the want to perform and the need to be perfect in my Christian faith which denies the grace that has been given to me by Him.
I walk into the coffee shop after our conversation, grab a seat and begin to work on a few things for work. An hour in, a girl I'd noticed as being really friendly/having great style comes and sits next to me. Through a turn of events, we started to talk and became friends over the next 2 hours. She was such an encouragement and showed concretely how God was providing a way for me to do what I love best- meet strangers, share life, and to make a meaningful connection.
From there, everything just began to fall into place. I continued to pray and fight against my selfish desires to do whatever I wanted given this new joy. However, the joy came from God and not myself, something I was reminded of and forced to face. My work which I have been messing up in so royally is now being filled with purpose, understanding and confidence. Something that has long been missed. And there is only one to thank- God!
I hope that wherever you are- in a desert or in the beautiful cool waters of life, that you see your life for what it is outside of your circumstances and dive a little deeper with God!
Check out these wonderful verses Deuteronomy 1:29-31 & Deuteronomy 2:7.
First, lets start off with what went wrong- had some bad news about something that happened to one of my dearest and most beautiful friends, heard that a friend from high school that I've known for most of my life had been hit by a car and killed, was messing up continually at work unintentionally and couldn't seem to get a break and/or focus, my Aunt Mary died, and on top of that have been wrestling pretty intensely with bouts of depression and fits of insecurity/self deprecation.
Sounds pretty bad right? I literally reached a point the other day of absolute saturation as if anything bad could happen and it couldn't affect me any worse than the other things combined. I wasn't acting myself and literally just couldn't be.
Thankfully, that's where it all changed. My boss talked to me about what was going on and so began the turning point. I saw how I could choose to change and not let my situations change me.
(All of this time had been praying for God to intercede and he did, at the last minute, but perfectly).
That same day, I talked to my dear friend, Leah Godfrey. She just spoke so much life into me about how God loves me and even when I'm dealing with things and have trouble believing- God isn't disappointed and she was there to believe for me. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I realized then that I had been struggling with the want to perform and the need to be perfect in my Christian faith which denies the grace that has been given to me by Him.
I walk into the coffee shop after our conversation, grab a seat and begin to work on a few things for work. An hour in, a girl I'd noticed as being really friendly/having great style comes and sits next to me. Through a turn of events, we started to talk and became friends over the next 2 hours. She was such an encouragement and showed concretely how God was providing a way for me to do what I love best- meet strangers, share life, and to make a meaningful connection.
From there, everything just began to fall into place. I continued to pray and fight against my selfish desires to do whatever I wanted given this new joy. However, the joy came from God and not myself, something I was reminded of and forced to face. My work which I have been messing up in so royally is now being filled with purpose, understanding and confidence. Something that has long been missed. And there is only one to thank- God!
I hope that wherever you are- in a desert or in the beautiful cool waters of life, that you see your life for what it is outside of your circumstances and dive a little deeper with God!
Check out these wonderful verses Deuteronomy 1:29-31 & Deuteronomy 2:7.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Every Day
Tears fade
as I step into the shade
and all becomes a slate hue
till slowly
all becomes new
the light green poking
through the grass and towards the sun
the pollen dust that has begun
to cover and destroy
any chance of making it
without our allergies, oh boy
but here as I sit
in the shade of what will be
and has been
it isn't so hard to mend
but easier yet to be
with God inside of me
resting in my heart
never to part
forsake or leave
life once tried to cleave
and does every moment since
but God has held me tight
even when things don't make sense
and the world seems a game of jenga
just tumbling all around
but here there is no tumbling
no loud and boisterous sound
only the pitter patter
of the rain washing away
the pain of pollen and sorrow
I thought always to stay.
Thankful to God for relieving me and helping others believe for me in times when it seemed too much But He is good and I'm learning that more and more every day. I pray that you are too!
as I step into the shade
and all becomes a slate hue
till slowly
all becomes new
the light green poking
through the grass and towards the sun
the pollen dust that has begun
to cover and destroy
any chance of making it
without our allergies, oh boy
but here as I sit
in the shade of what will be
and has been
it isn't so hard to mend
but easier yet to be
with God inside of me
resting in my heart
never to part
forsake or leave
life once tried to cleave
and does every moment since
but God has held me tight
even when things don't make sense
and the world seems a game of jenga
just tumbling all around
but here there is no tumbling
no loud and boisterous sound
only the pitter patter
of the rain washing away
the pain of pollen and sorrow
I thought always to stay.
Thankful to God for relieving me and helping others believe for me in times when it seemed too much But He is good and I'm learning that more and more every day. I pray that you are too!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Thank you, Leah Godfrey!
Beauty
pitters and patters down
slowly removing my frown
with each and every sound
of stories, and plans
around me
the sky fills with lights
of bright
and beautiful rays
only one thing to say
that God is good
and all is as it should
be even when
our eyes are closed
and right in front of our nose
He sits
waiting for us to see
and showing the way
a right and a left
we no longer feel so deft
but rather light and free
as He intended for us to be.
Finding God in the fight.
pitters and patters down
slowly removing my frown
with each and every sound
of stories, and plans
around me
the sky fills with lights
of bright
and beautiful rays
only one thing to say
that God is good
and all is as it should
be even when
our eyes are closed
and right in front of our nose
He sits
waiting for us to see
and showing the way
a right and a left
we no longer feel so deft
but rather light and free
as He intended for us to be.
Finding God in the fight.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Raw
Looking out the window
I see
Jersey boys
looking back at me
No.
This will not do
Who
is it that now pursues
few
but rather
more guys scatter
the precious stones that matter
these girls with strength
who love at length
they throw away
or worse, destroy
why, why are you this boy?
what do you do, to do this for you?
hate burrows
deep within my chest
needing to be dealt with
a wealth
of worries
to be found
but nothing sound
a hurt mound
of stories
of friends
family
my own
not alone
in this hurt
and this pain
when will the rain
STOP
a need to be on top
to be away
Lord, to say
it is done
and it is
if only this one wish
Lord, that guys would truly
go after the girl
and for who she is
and not what she will do
or what they can "get"
because it wasn't given yet
and yet they take
what a mistake
that they do not pay
for
but she is left sitting
weeping on the floor
Lord, I cannot deal
I cannot bear
the truth
you bare
please help me through
this pain I never knew
till it wasn't me
but you
my dear friend
time and time again
seeming no way to win
but these boys continually pin
and point at a person
that you aren't and never will be
if only they could see
the person in front of me
when I have a coffee with you
or we roll down a hill or two
with a little girl
but they don't know
and never will
the beautiful girl that rolls down hills
to give friendship to someone alone
no they'll never know
and they don't deserve
that
mmm they are scat
absolute scat
and if only they sat
in front of me
and i could tell
no i could yell
in their face
and give them the hell
they deserve
but what nerve
have i to go against
the one to whom anger belongs
and to whom i try desperately to lift up a song
of praise
of understanding
and God forces his way through
deep into my heart
the start of breaking free
from this sorrow that I see
A song that gives me hope and peace when I'm in the middle of a place:
I see
Jersey boys
looking back at me
No.
This will not do
Who
is it that now pursues
few
but rather
more guys scatter
the precious stones that matter
these girls with strength
who love at length
they throw away
or worse, destroy
why, why are you this boy?
what do you do, to do this for you?
hate burrows
deep within my chest
needing to be dealt with
a wealth
of worries
to be found
but nothing sound
a hurt mound
of stories
of friends
family
my own
not alone
in this hurt
and this pain
when will the rain
STOP
a need to be on top
to be away
Lord, to say
it is done
and it is
if only this one wish
Lord, that guys would truly
go after the girl
and for who she is
and not what she will do
or what they can "get"
because it wasn't given yet
and yet they take
what a mistake
that they do not pay
for
but she is left sitting
weeping on the floor
Lord, I cannot deal
I cannot bear
the truth
you bare
please help me through
this pain I never knew
till it wasn't me
but you
my dear friend
time and time again
seeming no way to win
but these boys continually pin
and point at a person
that you aren't and never will be
if only they could see
the person in front of me
when I have a coffee with you
or we roll down a hill or two
with a little girl
but they don't know
and never will
the beautiful girl that rolls down hills
to give friendship to someone alone
no they'll never know
and they don't deserve
that
mmm they are scat
absolute scat
and if only they sat
in front of me
and i could tell
no i could yell
in their face
and give them the hell
they deserve
but what nerve
have i to go against
the one to whom anger belongs
and to whom i try desperately to lift up a song
of praise
of understanding
and God forces his way through
deep into my heart
the start of breaking free
from this sorrow that I see
A song that gives me hope and peace when I'm in the middle of a place:
Friday, March 23, 2012
Moving Forward/The Last Straw
We always say/sing,"God break my heart for what breaks yours."
I never understood that till today, when the last arrow hit and sank deep within my heart till I was left sobbing sporadically unable to handle the pain. It just is not right. I am so thankful that God showed me what to me seems like the most horrible thing in the world, and something that I desperately want to change. I don't know how. I don't know when. I only know I choose to believe that God has equipped me to do this just as he has equipped everyone to make a unique impact on the world.
Christine Caine has been a huge influence, as has Joyce Meyer, Jen Griffin, Kelly Hubatka, and so many more. One day I pray that this is carried out and I'm beginning now- in earnest prayer, planning and reflection.
Praying for that I move forward not in an anger driven passion but in hope for the future and a want to spread His love.
Till then, going to sleep to this beautiful and hopeful song b/c no matter what there is still hope in life:
I never understood that till today, when the last arrow hit and sank deep within my heart till I was left sobbing sporadically unable to handle the pain. It just is not right. I am so thankful that God showed me what to me seems like the most horrible thing in the world, and something that I desperately want to change. I don't know how. I don't know when. I only know I choose to believe that God has equipped me to do this just as he has equipped everyone to make a unique impact on the world.
Christine Caine has been a huge influence, as has Joyce Meyer, Jen Griffin, Kelly Hubatka, and so many more. One day I pray that this is carried out and I'm beginning now- in earnest prayer, planning and reflection.
Praying for that I move forward not in an anger driven passion but in hope for the future and a want to spread His love.
Till then, going to sleep to this beautiful and hopeful song b/c no matter what there is still hope in life:
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