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exhaustion reeks
and seeps through my mind
but inspired, I press on to find
the perfect something
but upon each thing
the more I dive
I dig
I search
till my eyes
twist and contort
my world seemingly distort

and it is time for this sleepy head
to go to bed ( : 

Don't Give Up!

This really resonated with me and I hope it does with you too! Here's to a great Sunday and learning about God and life and Jesus and how they are all one and we have just begun!

Mother to Son
by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

*italics emphasis mine

My Heart

Pt. 1

Reassurance drops in
like a board sliding down a wave
turning to the left with a sharp right
the line continuing
out of sight
as the wave threatens to curl
and then hurl you far into the underwater atmosphere
but it is here
in this moment of hesitation
and waiting
where the wave turns over or holds
and the world seems a perfect mold
a perfect fit for you

Pt. 2

Forever have I fought
against the world
and I will not give in today
no more will it have the last say
I cannot be perfect
or more loved
but am grateful and thankful and glad
the world makes me sad
the things people say
and the way
they love some but not all
but here is the fall
where I tumble down
a big dark hall
and get lost in thought
and am onslaught
with a "need" to change
to be more like them
like the rest
but this is the test
to stay just this special way
that God created me for every day


Pt. 3

You walk away
down a soft path with a strong stick
to guide your way
you say too much
but not enough
and I do not know you
like a fleeting glance
I miss the chance
and feel it is my fault
and try to undo the knot
of who and why and how
we aren't together now
and God says no
but I don't know
what to do and where to go
because all I can do is stare
at the times in my head
like a recurring dream
I want to scream
to make it all pass away
but then I would not be able to say
it is finished
it is done
but this,
this debating
is no fun
it is not right or an intended sight
so i put up the fight
to make right these thoughts of you.

What do you want your life to be?

I see my life
as a kid sitting on the stairs
as everyone dances
I don't dare to join

But that's who I used to be
the new me
is a different girl
whose life has been quite the whirl
with change after change
in the past 5 years

at first it was filled with tears
and wants, never fulfilled
but now its filled with strength
and grace and more of His will
it's more of a dance
haphazard at first
but then you'll carefully see
the intentionality

I don't want my life to be
time spent only for me
and so each day I selfishly fight
with all my might
against the urge to live for one
and now have just begun
to live for them

Them the people on the streets
who you turn or walk away so as not to meet
the ones who live in bungalows behind
in the tucked away places hard to find
or hidden
as if in this place, for your safety, entry is forbidden

but I see people rocking and sweeping and breathing
laughing and crying and needing
these people are good
these people are bad
they are happy and they are sad
just like you and me
and to see
to truly see them for who they are
and to go so far
as to

stop.

and wait a minute with them
when everything within
is telling you to run
so that you can finish and you can do
but do this
don't miss the beauty of a man
just because it doesn't fit
in a certain span
of time

I want my life to be
a moment spent with glee
or sorrow
but always looking forward to tomorrow
acknowledging
the beauty of reality
juxtaposed with its pain

wanting to heal and hear their complaints
to push them when they need it
and hold them when they don't
to say yes I will
or no I won't
but always

I love you
if that is all my life can be
then I will have lived maybe not happy

but joyfully. 

(This is the result of a run and too many thoughts, also finding new areas with new people- the forbidden places of Charlotte! Hope you have a great one!)

The best!

Exhaust-ed
brain dead
as all my thoughts
wisp
and trail away
no more words left to say
I sit and feel
the devil try to steal

but in numbness
feel naught
but have been taught
to love
regardless of
the way I feel inside
and in genuineness
no longer hide

but truly show
the me He has made
that no lack of sleep
or too much work
will ever fade
but will always be
and in Him
that's how I really see

the beauty of a tree trunk
with wrinkles of grey
that move and sway
just like that of an elephants trunk

but what is this junk
that destroys and distracts
and constantly detracts
from the way we are made to think and connect
neglecting, our imagination
to see these things so similarly placed
though a different face
the trunk
of an elephant and a tree
and as I sit tired but in rest
this moment is just the best!

Four Things to Inspire You

Here are a few things that gave hope to my heart and they hope they give hope to yours too!

1. "Why my soul, are you downcast?
         Why so disturbed within me?
      Put your hope in God,
          for I will yet praise him,
          my Savior and my God."
                     - Psalm 43:5

2. from One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

" When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn't all become gift?
     For He might not have."

3. "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy

4. Writing an encouraging letter and impacting a heart of a women hurt by life, circumstance, and injustice through A21.

Hope you have a wonderful Monday & start to your week!

Love always,
e

Question?

There comes a time at the end of the day, when your eyes get tired, and your body slows down but somehow- against all the odds, against all the time spent moving and working, your mind doesn't stop. It goes and goes and goes. Sometimes with greatness. Sometimes with fear. But somehow, something is always so near. It isn't always good and its most of the times bad. Its sometimes happy and sometimes sad. But lately this has been true- I've been closer to you. Each morning hasn't been a rush to get out and go but a chance to sit down and know. He has pulled me to his feet and curled me up against his chest. Letting me rest and letting me know- that this is a time to grow. A catalyst a burning of sorts. Now, he's not in cohorts. With our devilish foe, it might seem like it but- no. He is building us up from the inside out, to be a dwelling that can't help but shout THAT HE IS HERE AND HE IS GOD but then at the same time nod as we sit and listen and love. Dripping with the stuff from above, oozing and wanting to share- b/c against all odds we care and we dare! We dare to move against the crowd that screams in our mind so loud- to do and perform, expect the norm, be this way or that, no thats where its at.

we. must. be.

and feel, because this is real and we only have one shot. I'm going to make the most of what I've got.

Are you?

Going a Little Gospel

It is funny the things God brings to life when you are ready to listen. Listen to Christian songs. It is in every chorus- "God has set us free for freedom", "God is with us, he will never leave, he goes before us". There is so much promise!

All we see though, are the petty things we have to sacrifice. Finding the rhythm and balance to life requires truly submitting to God in praise and thanksgiving because we know that he will always provide.

Provide he does, and as we walk through the different challenges and parts of life, he reveals to us secrets about himself in us and how he has made us specially for a specific purpose. So often we try to change to meet the people in our life but let the people God has placed in your life complement you and not change you. You are too wonderful for that! I hope these beautiful songs lift your spirit and give you hope and new life no matter where you are in your walk today. ( :

God is Good by Regina Belle

Praise Him in Advance & the Best in Me by Marvin Sapp

Thankful tonight for so much! God has made us to be positive, happy, loving people that are the salt of the earth. How are you adding flavor and life to those in your life?

Check out Matthew 10:26-31. I especially love the last part- "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; for you are worth more than many sparrows."[translation- you are loved! God knows and cares about every single part of you!]

Good Morning Videos

You'll think twice before texting and walking because there might be a bear! Check out this priceless gem ( ;

Nothing like pushing the drama button to add a little spice into your life! 

Here is to a man with a good spirit, good heart & a good life!

This man is wonderful ( : Shows the power of music and love. 

Have a great day everyone! It is so beautiful outside!

Welcome To:

The Best Gift in the World

 Walking into my apartment, there sat a simple white package on the table. The joy that erupted in my heart was nothing compared to the emotions of seeing the contents. Each part was perfect and perfectly marked with a little note explaining what they meant. The best part? One of my love language is gifts and that's the whole reason she sent it. So blessed to have friends who cherish my heart and build me up in how I already am and believe in who I'm going to be. Praying one day to be just as great as them!

What was in it:

1. Sweet Owl Card

2. Face Mask

3. Special NY Subway Map

4. a 1952 edition of Peter Pan

Why it was perfect:

1. Instant encouragement, love and truth

2. A sparkling citrus face mask marked with a pink, circle sticky reading "treat yourself. you are so beautiful <3"

3. A visual for all of the settings for the wonderful stories my dear friend always tells (& places to look forward to when I visit!)

4. The quintessential game of pretend featuring the beautiful Katie Voh as Wendy & myself as the daring and courageous Peter Pan was the way that Katie and I spent our preschool and early childhood till we ventured into the greater adventures of growing up and battling the every day.

Love my friends and love you!

It is EASTER!! Last night, my beautiful roommate and I colored some eggs. Ashley had the great idea to use the wax crayon to write what makes us think of Easter. For mine I wrote- Jesus Builds & Restoration.

What would be your two things that describe what Easter means to you?

Thinking back to a year ago, I was at Elevation and through a culmination of events was at a breaking point. The message was the final wedge driven into my heart to burst it open into a millllion pieces. The first part of the message focused on the verse 2 Timothy 3:5 which read "having a form of godliness but denying its power..." In that moment I realized that though I knew God that I had never accepted his power. There was a weight in my life that I had always carried that wasn't even mine. That weight was depression, anxiety, worry, self-deprecation, shame, guilt, and most of all the responsibility for all of my sin and the impossibility to perfectly perform.

I collapsed. Emotionally, that is. I wept during the rest of the service and was faced with some serious changes in my life. God has asked some pretty big things of me and I have asked some big things in return. One thing I can say is that he has always provided.

Even today when I was running late to church, God blessed me with the opportunity to sit next to one of the warmest and most loving women I have ever met. God used communion to break my heart and bring me to the quick realization of the significance of what Jesus did on the cross. The rest of the day was filled with beautiful opportunities to fellowship with and get to know people while just being me.

God has worked to strengthen the core of me and also my gratitude for each moment I am in. I am not perfect but rather am one of His great works in progress. I couldn't ask for anything more and I pray that this day you get a little closer to Jesus, who He is, and the hope and peace He provides.

Love you all & Happy Easter!

"if we are faithless,
    he remains faithful,
    for he cannot disown himself."
       2 Timothy 2: 13

Working Through Each Morning

I woke up this morning, discouraged and feeling down. Sometimes the hardest part is not to keep going but to start up again. It's all I can do to pull myself out of bed, fight the doubts, the screams of "failure" in my head, and to wash my face.

But. If I were to look at this past year and how far I've come I would realize that the way I wake up now is like Christmas compared to how it used to be. Now I have a strength that pushes me out of bed despite my wrestling mind, before... let's just say I slept a lot. I'm still working through it and its not over but it will be.

God has blessed me with some great verses and some great books.

I've just started "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. The first two chapters are about her real struggle to find that God is good and also the realization that despite her life seeming like a nightmare, she wants to fully live. (Two things that I have been working through lately)

Today, I saw Lamentations 3:22 on a painting I'd done and decided to read again. Usually always worth it ( : and it was!

"Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
  for his compassions never fail.
They are new ever morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself,'The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.'"
      Lamentations 3:21-24

Love you guys and hope you have a great, joy filled day!

His Love hasn't failed me yet

Disparaging day
walking away
from what I once loved

Looking for God
behind here and from there
under rocks
and in leaves
hoping to fare
better than the doubts
that run quickly about
in my head and out

till up turned one little rock
and then two
till I don't know what to do
as my heart is overwhelmed with joy

in the park then
and now, sipping my chamomile tea.

"Praise be to the Lord,
   for he showed me the wonders of his love
   when I was in a city under siege."
       Psalm 31:21