"I can't do this" my heart cries
I know its lies
but Anxiety with its beady button eyes
is louder
than the truck rumbling by
than the songs that swirl and fly
filling my room
smellier than the calming candle
there is no handle
no out
no off switch
this is the hitch
Where is the cure?
Unraveling
with each tiny tug
at my string
till bit by bit
I am tearing at the seams
bursting to be free
where is that dazzling
that peace was supposed to bring
"turn from yourself
and you will be free"
words I know
and words I see
but how do I be
how do I not do
how do I accept You?
when my heart is a crinkly mess
more poked full of trash
than a birds nest
overflowing with plastic
hair
and things that should not be there
how do I see you?
Lord, you are stronger than any emotional storm
you are stronger than my anxious norm
you held my hand
physically
when I cried out of a dark place
when your face
seemed so far
and yet so near
cheek to cheek
you held me dear
and so despite my fears
and feelings of desperation
I call upon the Lord of our Nation
the one and only
our holy Yaweh
may You be with me tonight
and as always
make everything aright
In His precious and heavenly name, amen
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
What is true?
It is funny how you see the world.
Everyone sees the world differently. Some who are depressed see the world in more of a gray scale. Some who are happy see the world as everyone being happy and never rocked by anything. Some don't really see the world at all. Rather, they see a distorted sense of reality. There exists within them many convincing voices and the very air seems to bend and break at will and not as would make scientific sense. Our minds and our experiences shape our view of the world.
What is your view of the world? What is your view of yourself? Where does God fit into the mix of all of these things?
I am in the middle of one of the potentially hardest times of transition I have and will possibly ever experience. You know what? I love it.
I love that every day is hard and yet good because I am learning to really see God. Life and faith are no longer easy to coincide. Nor is it easy to live in grace when religiousness/righteousness creeps in, saying," You need to do this this and this or you won't be this." So many lies and so many obligations. It is a hard time for sure of fishing out the lies and pushing them aside to accept the truth. So many times we talk about others truths. We say that to be politically correct.
What is true? God is helping us to figure life out one step at a time. I know it from the connections in my life. From how God has restored my life not with easy and perfect moments but with hard and loving solutions and moments/seasons of growth. I know it from how God provided a great and dynamic job that challenges me, a community that embraces me, a family that loves me, a church that restores me, and a man that adores, respects, and supports me. I have been very loved by God through my circumstances and by my community. I know this is not always the case. That God shows different things to different people in different ways. For some reason everything seems to go wrong and there seems no point. But I have learned that when you seek God with all of your heart you will find Him. God does not answer all of your questions at once and some not at all but He is there with you, guiding you.
On top of all that- He dismisses your fears. He challenges you to face your fears but not in the sense of walking into a room full of spiders or entering back into an abusive relationship- no, He lovingly provides similar but smaller scale situations that slowly chip away at fears grip on your heart. He has done this in time with me and I am so thankful.
God speaks to us in so many ways. He uses books with characters that are like us to help us realize we aren't alone and that we can do it. He uses movies with key lines or quotes that stick out to us in that exact moment to say- "hey, listen up, you need this". He guides you forward in community to be challenged not to be different but to be more you, to look at your strengths at your weaknesses and to God working in you.
Your life is brilliantly orchestrated and you are in for a wild and wonderful ride.
Happy Wednesday!
Everyone sees the world differently. Some who are depressed see the world in more of a gray scale. Some who are happy see the world as everyone being happy and never rocked by anything. Some don't really see the world at all. Rather, they see a distorted sense of reality. There exists within them many convincing voices and the very air seems to bend and break at will and not as would make scientific sense. Our minds and our experiences shape our view of the world.
What is your view of the world? What is your view of yourself? Where does God fit into the mix of all of these things?
I am in the middle of one of the potentially hardest times of transition I have and will possibly ever experience. You know what? I love it.
I love that every day is hard and yet good because I am learning to really see God. Life and faith are no longer easy to coincide. Nor is it easy to live in grace when religiousness/righteousness creeps in, saying," You need to do this this and this or you won't be this." So many lies and so many obligations. It is a hard time for sure of fishing out the lies and pushing them aside to accept the truth. So many times we talk about others truths. We say that to be politically correct.
What is true? God is helping us to figure life out one step at a time. I know it from the connections in my life. From how God has restored my life not with easy and perfect moments but with hard and loving solutions and moments/seasons of growth. I know it from how God provided a great and dynamic job that challenges me, a community that embraces me, a family that loves me, a church that restores me, and a man that adores, respects, and supports me. I have been very loved by God through my circumstances and by my community. I know this is not always the case. That God shows different things to different people in different ways. For some reason everything seems to go wrong and there seems no point. But I have learned that when you seek God with all of your heart you will find Him. God does not answer all of your questions at once and some not at all but He is there with you, guiding you.
On top of all that- He dismisses your fears. He challenges you to face your fears but not in the sense of walking into a room full of spiders or entering back into an abusive relationship- no, He lovingly provides similar but smaller scale situations that slowly chip away at fears grip on your heart. He has done this in time with me and I am so thankful.
God speaks to us in so many ways. He uses books with characters that are like us to help us realize we aren't alone and that we can do it. He uses movies with key lines or quotes that stick out to us in that exact moment to say- "hey, listen up, you need this". He guides you forward in community to be challenged not to be different but to be more you, to look at your strengths at your weaknesses and to God working in you.
Your life is brilliantly orchestrated and you are in for a wild and wonderful ride.
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Condensation = Tea Sensation
"A great many people are trying to make peace, but that has already been done. God has NOT left it for us to do; all we have to do is enter into int."
D. L. Moody
//
a fog
slips in and Anxiety grins
as he drips slowly down
Depression, she frowns
"not again"
& so begins the swim
of an unrested impass
seeming to push
cloud after cloud
till at last
my hand holds fast... to water
the cloud condenses
Anxiety tenses
"No! There cannot be a release!"
and then as the rain falls
and the sky clears
there is peace
and I see not fog
or smog
or evil things
but the beauty
that good friends and tea can bring
as we speak of things of the Lord
and study his word
yes, a glittering gleam
is all my eyes see
what a beautiful, blessed sheen.
Blessed is the Lord. amen.
D. L. Moody
//
a fog
slips in and Anxiety grins
as he drips slowly down
Depression, she frowns
"not again"
& so begins the swim
of an unrested impass
seeming to push
cloud after cloud
till at last
my hand holds fast... to water
the cloud condenses
Anxiety tenses
"No! There cannot be a release!"
and then as the rain falls
and the sky clears
there is peace
and I see not fog
or smog
or evil things
but the beauty
that good friends and tea can bring
as we speak of things of the Lord
and study his word
yes, a glittering gleam
is all my eyes see
what a beautiful, blessed sheen.
Blessed is the Lord. amen.
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