CDL Dock // Fighting

Sitting there
legs caress
the deep black of
nothingness
and then it leaps
to touch your feet
and your are brought
to this

this moment where you know
you've no where else to go or be
its really just you and me

and as the water drips and drops
from the waves hitting the rest of the dock
the cross stands strong
forever long
to be
and to hold
the weary arms and head
of me

///

Running to him
for he is the only one who can save
me from my thoughts
and the world

into which I've been unexpectedly hurled
and only occasionally
freed
from the mess my thoughts have made of me
and the toll
they have taken
stolen from my heart
but that's only the start

now my lungs
are starting to fare
good breathing
no longer there
but he
he has not left my side
he does not run and hide

he is fighting still.

Just a Thought

"Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident."
    -Psalm 27:3

God's word sometimes speaks so clearly to our hearts and today this spoke so clearly to mine. Hope you fight to stay confident and in the trust of the Lord knowing that he is always victorious.

Finding Restoration in Neverland

a sip
with each breath
like a dip
a twist
a turn
through the water
which quickens
and burns
away the world
in which we have too soon
been hurled

past the expanse
of the walls
which kept away the monsters
but with a sword on my back
and a spear in my hand
I am learning to withstand
to jab

and to block
push
and to knock
the things which would
torture
and change
my mind rearrange
but rearrange no more

as I choose to kick those things
out the door
of my mind
closed off to my heart
letting in
only things of him
and loving
more
the moments
when I swim

lost in the water
of more than the soul
the Spirit
which carries me
and is making me whole

we will make it to fight another day
and find our neverland someday ( :

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
     my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
     he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people,
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge."
       -Psalm 62:5-8

New Place to Love

Walking about
the streets that shout
"you're here,
you're here,
please stay!"

A right and a left
another happy face
I'd love to know
and as the randomness unfolds
my heart
he gingerly holds
and lifts
saying," this,
this is how you need to live."

expressed not in words
but in motion
as the tides
of the city
cascade around this
ocean
of perfection
at this inspection
of a corner
of a coffee, sub, art gallery
walk
all within a minutes talk
from where I'd like to live
praying
believing
its his.

One Year Later

In reading about thankfulness being something as simple as seeing and being reminded of who I am in the one who made me so, well that's the way to go. When it feels overwhelming, you do your very best and believe him for the rest.

It is funny to look back and to see one year before and all I thought I had to look forward to, but if I had only known! Things are much different than I thought but the goodness through it God has brought. I graduated college with the promise of a job, a guy I loved very much, and good friends scattered all over the state. Coming to Charlotte was a big change.

I was blessed to live with a wonderful family and to begin to build a network both for work and with friends. However, something just wasn't clicking in my relationship and God kept convicting me of it.

Suddenly that part of my life changed and that change trickled into every single part, of my heart and my mind. I got a new job, then a second job and now am in the middle of the craziest time of my life. My mind is constantly overwhelmed and working to fix everything, but I'm learning too that I cannot fix. I can only do my best and trust God.

There too is an area of change- I've gotten to know who God is and what he wants while fighting myself all along the way. There is always much to learn and do and be. But until them I'm glad to be his, and me!

Where were you one year before and where are you now? Hope you the best on this beautiful day!

Today I talked to a man who questionably was homeless- for those who know me, you probably aren't surprised! It was both incredibly refreshing and draining because it drew on everything I have been working through in the past few months. Its amazing though to see how God used me in that exact moment and place for something bigger than me. Its the hardest thing to realize that its not about me when everything is fighting for control- but its true. Another truth, no matter how I am- God is good. I rest on that ( :

Three Things for You (the reader)

*a poem for your mind:

A love story is told

only by the bold

who would bare

the reasons and ways

they care

but today I see

how important it might be

to show and tell

the reason I know all is well

and good

When I no longer have the ability to feel

still life turns

its wheel 

grasped by one

who knows better than I

and when I should fall

then I fly

Like coming out of college

and not knowing what to do

and somehow I came to know you

blessed with a job

family

and friends

but things have changed since then

and my insides have been turned

ripped

burned

and molded

till all that I had organized

separated

and folded

is no more the me

I wanted to be

and the more

I see

and move and grow

the more I know

When the bottom gives way

and my knees instinctively bend

a hug or ear

is always near to lend

and when I say "no more"

there enters a door

perfectly opened and placed

and I see the smile on your face

the one who used to say yes

and never no

now knows-

knows how to say

"I can't do that today"

or "how about this"

"lets do that"

more dynamic now, than the before flat

no more of a push over

who changes to please

but someone who stands strong

with dirt on her knees

and when I see a wall

I stand tall and move

knowing that I can brick

by brick move

from here to there

because he cares

to help

there is no end

to the ways he will help a friend

a son

a daughter

you

because he is love

and he is true.

*A verse for your heart:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality... If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

- Romans 12:12-18

*A beautiful song for you:

In the Neighborhood

Nathan barks across the way
if to say,"hey!"
Please stay
but no, Matt walks on
for bigger and more human things
but what does this evening bring
for poor Nathan

will he destroy a throw pillow
or drool on the walls
scratch at the window or
tear through the halls
running this way
and that
till he slides to a halt
knocking over the trashcan
thinking,"oh no! my fault!"

and barks and barks he does
as he sees me across the way
as if to say,"hey! please play!
I know you're not Matt
but I'm okay with that.
No! hurry hurry hurry
don't delay
lets hang out today!"

But type on I do
and I'm sorry too
because Nathan is quite the cute puppy
but I don't have a key or a way
to let him out today
so for now
apart we'll have to stay!