Pouring it out

"When it rains, it pours,"
she said
if only she knew
the transfer in my head
and pouring of my heart
as it falls onto the floor

what for? I ask
not because it is not great
or enough
but because it hurts
because each drop
is like a ripping
of a leg hair
long grown in
but ghastly and gross

but Lord, as I sit here
and sketch out the reasons
I see past seasons
where you have shown such love
when I have looked above
and beyond
looking back I am so fond
of these times
but seeing the pain in the rhymes
I wrote
hmmm.. I should be singing a different note
of thankfulness
to be here
and that He is near
and that no matter what happens
it is supposed to be

but God, what is tangled up in me?
please stretch it out
lay it flat
and show me
what is "that"

amen.

Mirage or Oasis?

As I walk

slowly

one foot
dragging
till the next
pulls forward

dust fills my lungs
and I can hum no more

yet
in the distance is a splash of green
can this be?
this beauty seen?

and as I approach this beautiful lagoon
filled with grapes, and lakes and hope
I say to myself, "nope"
This is not real
and commence
to not let myself feel
the extent
of joy
that has exploded
and expanded
in my heart

& God singlehandedly
gave
me
this

but that's it
me?
what do I deserve
and how can it be
this great thing in front of me
and yet as I am filled with questions
and doubts
today I choose to sing and shout
dance about
because this is one 1. mirage/2. oasis worth celebrating! 

//

"The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy but I have come that you may have life to the full."
     John 10:10

New Adventure

Necks craned at the spotted sky
Let's play I spy
and see what we can see
but really letting free
our imagination

let it fly
answer why
this dipper is so small
and the other so tall
which is real
I don't know
but I know I feel
excited ( :

and thankful!
as each step forward
there is more of a skip in my step
so much pep
just from this

when all would seem to swirl
and pass
you by
and you would give it all
to live
a certain life
to pursue the God
who frees you from all strife
only to realize He frees you in a different way
and to your heart He says
"be free
and only follow me"

and so I do
or at least try to
and feel my heart falling on the floor
and I pick it up
before more
is cast
run away from the past
and embrace this chance
trust God
with this romance
I will

each moment kills
stretching forward
as if time
is hoarding and holding me back
okay guys let's tack
turn this boat around
and race into the wind
this is a battle I'm ready to fight
because for once
I am fighting for what is right

or blindly going
and not really knowing
who knows
but in His hand this lays
and I am here till He says
"go"

I'm His, ya know?

"When It's Hard to Believe in You"

Pt.1//

Lines blurr
as I sit and sketch

You

the one
who knows what to do
and as my words
twist
and turn

their marks
alight a spark
inside
of me
but who do I see,
is it You?

that emerges
on the page
or have I placed You in a cage
the one who "is"

so much more and nothing less
who has made my life blessed
and yet
when I look at the page
sometimes
I see the empty

the unknown

forgetting what You have shown
or told me to do
"I'm through"
I'll say as I run away

only to come back another day

begging please
and crying on my knees

a fun crusade
in honor of Your name
but really in search of the You in me
because that
that is the key...

in sharing
you are free. 

Pt.2//

But is that freeing
because are we really being
or are we trying to pursue
some impossible gate
that is left up to fate
decided by God
along with the hairs on our heads
when He said
I am Yours

God, what made you choose
to not let us lose our life
to the strife
that would inwardly crush
the things that always seem so much

and even with our name
we know our fame
of "victory"
"beloved" "His"

what granted us this bliss
and struggle
unlike Harry Potter's muggles
lost from the world of magic
and far from the grandness beyond
of their "normal" world they are so fond

are we those people
those ones set apart
made of a different heart
or changed
rearranged
to become
the sum of all of our parts*
put forth in our time

yes, that is our rhyme
our beat
true defeat
comes not from living
but from "almost" getting there
and not care-ing
enough to push
the last bit of will
the moment of still, shear terror
where we find
we've almost lost our mind
and when we have...

success
and Jesus tells the rest
as He lifts our weary hearts and minds
beyond any place we can find
and though the words
are muddled in our head
even though a thousand times He has said
we are His
we are loved
God is love
we hear above and get lost

lost in a train of thought
in another year
in a fear
anywhere but here
as we know
He has told us to go and be
we keep pointing at ourselves
and saying,"me?"

Pt. 3//

"And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"
    Esther 4:14b

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments always. Hope you are having a blessed day!

The Top

Fingers tight
"do what's right"
Push and pull till
up up up
we go
tapping the bar
to show
we made it to the top
and as we slowly repel
we are able to exhale
until oop
we hit a side
but still we slide
and see the top
of the impossiblity

when did our lives become
this fast race
to reach the top
with no technique
instead
we freak
out about the details
of being so productive, effective, so many words
quality never heard
and as the world speeds by
our hearts seem to fly

in and out
they shout
please stop! slow! this fast
we cannot go
till pain
hits us like a train
and we are lost in the sorrowful rain
and cannot see the light
for gold
and death has its hold
decaying
the fraying
of our already fragile hearts
that the world would beat
up
and pour into a cup
for breakfast

but let's hold fast
and push past
these insecurities
and lies that they truthfully are
because then we won't be far
from the truth
the top
and where we were meant to be.

I love you- know that & know that truth evades us but not forever. So just hold on, lean back and take a break as God holds your rope, breathe deeply, and then try again- but never give up realizing that your "mountain" is more of a problem than an impossibility. Whatever it is you face today- you've got this!