Its funny how the words we read can mean so little and yet in a song they dig down into the crevasses of your heart. Praying this gives you peace like it did me. Happy Fall day, friends!

Stream of Consciousness // Prayer

It's funny how questions come and go and somehow pick just where you don't need to pick a scab is finally healed and the skin beneath it healing and off it is ripped, you are tripped on your face, face to face with the thoughts you had long walked over and passed only to be thrown in your face- part of your present and not just your past. But God steps in, in the ways of conversations, convicting you to change, a change in the Spirit that you now listen to and want to know, how, and why are disappearing as yes is put in place, to trust and to do. A long ago choice to not drink a drop for the sake of making good choices when surrounded by guys after the heart break of the one I cared so much for, but now in my strength I choose that again because I know that it is one of those things, that distracts, and detracts from my heart and mind and tonight as I look at the events- I see you, I see purpose, I see and feel you moving and how you put us on guard, it's not about catching a guys eye but about protecting your friends hearts and bodies as guys try to come on and they give that grimace and you grab their hand and give them a twirl, it's about reassuring them that they are the most wonderful girl knowing in your heart that is true, if only they really really knew and God I am so glad that you had me be there today and to go through these horrible things of working through a past and breakup just so I could say, this is normal and okay, you are loved and worthy and it just wasn't right, please hold on tight, big hug and squeeze, prayerfully please, God, let her know your love now and forever.

//

What I would do without you I don't know, thank you for each step taking me further and closer to you.

In your name-
Amen.

Written in the beautiful Ben & Jerry's:

Each moment
choose
to win or to lose
prosper or fail
sink or sail

and yet as I wail
on about this or that
self esteem lays flat
not inflated at all
how long ago did it fall?

and each time propped
but not secured
even though consistently assured
what is that leak
that makes me so weak
and so unworthy
of love, life and living
that i counteract with
laughter, smiles and giving

God, you have given me a choice
and though my mind makes it hard
I want to follow my heart
and follow you
in whatever you would have me to do.

Praying that I continue to do his will, regardless!

Tear drops fall
cross each canvas
with each pass
of the strip
of paint
on each brush
big and small
till slowly popping
people stopping
to see the face that smiles

*We paint our canvases with experience- let yours become something of beauty. 

Surfing

When all fades
re erased
as if never
put down

to be recast
now hold on fast
don't have a cow
we're really starting now

bend and break
wide awake
as all comes tumbling down

and somehow
we glide to the right
cutting ice and stone
water and soul alone

as I carve down
and forward
pushing on my board to go

and for those 5 seconds
I am alive
until I crash

dive
and hide
beneath the tumbling tide
and my board
hits the ground
and kick

get some air quick

and breathe
till the breakers I leave
and go out once more
and so goes the
surfing cycle

OR you can give up and quit
and say I'm done with it
which depending on the
waves & the power
may be the right thing
in that hour

but feel it out before you go
so you can look back
and fondly know-

that was good.

Old School

I found a notebook filled with some random scribbles and drawings. All of these poems/writings are dug up from it. Enjoy!

Tape

Adhesive pulls
to cover
and to stick
covering up
the mess
so spread out
and thick

but what little
tape does
in the face of
rain & more.

Duct tape can do most everything but it can't fix your heart, you need something really strong and special for that. As my friend Emily {M.} would say, "I really think you'd like my friend Jesus. He's pretty awesome and the best!"

Aug 8, 2011

submerged
in death
but brought
to life

to new
given by and through
you
who gives
us life through grace
our sorrow
broken by tomorrow

and all he already is
God is new life

Last Sat.

[Story from a long run that went longer than intended because it didn't loop.. it kept going!]

Long runs are good & uncomfortable- when I got farther than I had intended I decided to walk back. I was walking by beautifully recrafted homes and was coming upon a nice stone home when I heard "clack" "clack" "clack" "clack". What is this, I thought. Upon coming closer, I saw two small boys looking like rugged indians or cowboys with their little plastic cap guns.

To cement their pretend game the one boy with a Tori like brown haired bob looked at me and smirked as he pointed at me and SHOT! Haha, I had become the target. I jokingly ran and the one boy yelled "Get her! She is our target!" only to quickly say, " I got her." Too cute/wonderful.

Thank you God for that.
                     Amen. 

Child Psych on the Playground

So today I noticed one of the most wonderful things. My job is in some ways absolutely feeding the natural psychologist in me. These kids are wonderful and they respond with their eyes in ways that let you know exactly what is going on.

Well today, I was sitting on a blanket that covered the playground sand with my two wonderful kids when up walks one little girl. I watch her hesitantly because my kids are too young to really protect themselves and the other girl was too young to understand if she did something wrong.

Well she walks up and all of a sudden starts handing me toys. She was giving me toys for my kids. After she gave me a toy she would scan with her eyes, and try to figure out was missing, and contemplatively run off only to come back with more.

This game went on for ten minutes which in kid time is a lot. This displayed her heart to help and when another little girl came over and started taking away the toys, the first little girl gave me an eye which meant," why are you letting her do something wrong" to which I explained "it's okay _ we have plenty of toys, thank you for all of your help" and asked for a high five. She lit up with the biggest grin, missed my hand the first time, hit squarely the second and that was the end.

Such a precious little girl, and such a wonderful moment. I've come to the conclusion that we are born very much with already being who we are. It is time, people, and experiences that sharpen and shape us into more.

Have a wonderful day!!