A-1

I once collected flowers
roses
lilies
all
but now I collect none
but remember them all
through pictures and through thoughts
of the one that brought them here

and as I near
my time to sleep
in creeps
the anxious patter of my heart
why this start
caffeine may be the cause

all I want to do is pause
go back to where I began
to a place of simplicity
where I can merely be

to be alone
is beautiful
so tranquil and filled with peace
but give it time
and you will find a missing piece
as your heart atrophies and dies
and inwardly you cry
and awkwardly walk on.. sighing

I would be lying
if I said I did not wish
sometimes to fly or swim like a fish
to be lost
in the depths
of the worlds created in our minds
like the kind
lived in by children to fill the moments
of each day

what can we say
what can we do
Lord, I only want to get through
this depression
brought by lack of sleep
uncertainty
a lack of hope
as all that founded me crumbles
or at least seems to as I stumble
but does any of that matter?

in comes the patter

but wait, does it really?
am I the real me?
Have I become lost?
What is the cost?
Can I genuinely be-
or should I be a different me?

No more can I be
something other than my core
and yet I feel God calling me for more

please heal this discrepancy
this moment of sensitivity
and let me see

the beauty in front of me.

a