Written in the beautiful Ben & Jerry's:

Each moment
choose
to win or to lose
prosper or fail
sink or sail

and yet as I wail
on about this or that
self esteem lays flat
not inflated at all
how long ago did it fall?

and each time propped
but not secured
even though consistently assured
what is that leak
that makes me so weak
and so unworthy
of love, life and living
that i counteract with
laughter, smiles and giving

God, you have given me a choice
and though my mind makes it hard
I want to follow my heart
and follow you
in whatever you would have me to do.

Praying that I continue to do his will, regardless!

Tear drops fall
cross each canvas
with each pass
of the strip
of paint
on each brush
big and small
till slowly popping
people stopping
to see the face that smiles

*We paint our canvases with experience- let yours become something of beauty. 

Surfing

When all fades
re erased
as if never
put down

to be recast
now hold on fast
don't have a cow
we're really starting now

bend and break
wide awake
as all comes tumbling down

and somehow
we glide to the right
cutting ice and stone
water and soul alone

as I carve down
and forward
pushing on my board to go

and for those 5 seconds
I am alive
until I crash

dive
and hide
beneath the tumbling tide
and my board
hits the ground
and kick

get some air quick

and breathe
till the breakers I leave
and go out once more
and so goes the
surfing cycle

OR you can give up and quit
and say I'm done with it
which depending on the
waves & the power
may be the right thing
in that hour

but feel it out before you go
so you can look back
and fondly know-

that was good.

Old School

I found a notebook filled with some random scribbles and drawings. All of these poems/writings are dug up from it. Enjoy!

Tape

Adhesive pulls
to cover
and to stick
covering up
the mess
so spread out
and thick

but what little
tape does
in the face of
rain & more.

Duct tape can do most everything but it can't fix your heart, you need something really strong and special for that. As my friend Emily {M.} would say, "I really think you'd like my friend Jesus. He's pretty awesome and the best!"

Aug 8, 2011

submerged
in death
but brought
to life

to new
given by and through
you
who gives
us life through grace
our sorrow
broken by tomorrow

and all he already is
God is new life

Last Sat.

[Story from a long run that went longer than intended because it didn't loop.. it kept going!]

Long runs are good & uncomfortable- when I got farther than I had intended I decided to walk back. I was walking by beautifully recrafted homes and was coming upon a nice stone home when I heard "clack" "clack" "clack" "clack". What is this, I thought. Upon coming closer, I saw two small boys looking like rugged indians or cowboys with their little plastic cap guns.

To cement their pretend game the one boy with a Tori like brown haired bob looked at me and smirked as he pointed at me and SHOT! Haha, I had become the target. I jokingly ran and the one boy yelled "Get her! She is our target!" only to quickly say, " I got her." Too cute/wonderful.

Thank you God for that.
                     Amen. 

Child Psych on the Playground

So today I noticed one of the most wonderful things. My job is in some ways absolutely feeding the natural psychologist in me. These kids are wonderful and they respond with their eyes in ways that let you know exactly what is going on.

Well today, I was sitting on a blanket that covered the playground sand with my two wonderful kids when up walks one little girl. I watch her hesitantly because my kids are too young to really protect themselves and the other girl was too young to understand if she did something wrong.

Well she walks up and all of a sudden starts handing me toys. She was giving me toys for my kids. After she gave me a toy she would scan with her eyes, and try to figure out was missing, and contemplatively run off only to come back with more.

This game went on for ten minutes which in kid time is a lot. This displayed her heart to help and when another little girl came over and started taking away the toys, the first little girl gave me an eye which meant," why are you letting her do something wrong" to which I explained "it's okay _ we have plenty of toys, thank you for all of your help" and asked for a high five. She lit up with the biggest grin, missed my hand the first time, hit squarely the second and that was the end.

Such a precious little girl, and such a wonderful moment. I've come to the conclusion that we are born very much with already being who we are. It is time, people, and experiences that sharpen and shape us into more.

Have a wonderful day!!

Falling in love with where I am

1.The first two weeks

Days pass when time
seems to

drip
on
by

and all is just another task
as we bask
in the glow
of the joy
of the tiny smiles
while we tiredly
try

try to show them why
God loves them
and how
He does
and yet we are feeling
drained

all but full
of what we claim to share
if only we took off the weight
and were just there
to show them that we care
and support them
through the good and the bad?

Why that would be the best experience to be had ( :

//

2. Praises from one who knows me so little
and has seen me twice
who is funny and sweet and nice

it was quite the boost
I'll tell you what
encouragement
is a positive kick in the butt!!

(I had a new friend at work tell me that she enjoyed working with me and would request me to work in her class if she or her wonderful assistant teacher were absent. So funny how God provides encouragement when you need it most.)

//

3. Little eyes look at me
talking quite incessantly
but then the world
quickly slows
as from his head to his toes
he smiles and wraps his arms around my neck
and says
much too close to my face
"I like you"

such simple words
from a small little guy
and I can't tell you why
but that helped heal me

he'd known me a day
and yet he knew exactly what to say
and in a way
that was for me
and who I am
and not at all for what I will do
that's a love
I wish we all more familiarly knew

and yet we will

as He works in and folds
the mess inside of us
till clean and sparkling
there is no fuss

but a cozy warmth
to come back to
when the world around us
breaks
and shatters
we are good where it matters
He loves us yet
and ever more
that's a God worth living for

and somehow in
those intricacies
is where we see
the exactness with which
each prayer is
replied to
and happens
and with peace in that
we can release
and go
knowing that our God will always show
us the way.

//

4. Unexpectedly
the talk turns
to me
which I try to turn
to them
a safer water
in which to swim
and yet reflects back it does
and I am so glad
because when I am sad
I will remember
these wonderful friends
that have surrounded
and lifted me up
in this kindness
in saying of my gifts
and talents
and speaking of my heart
such life they have brought into me
what a wonderful start
to a new place
and a new time
what a beautiful thing
these great friends bring
to the surprised and thankful me!

A part of the whole

Sometimes we doubt the significance of who we are and the part we play in our lifetime but have you ever been to a festival? 

If you have, then you start to see the beauty of life. You feel it, you hear it, and sometimes even smell it. Each person plays a part in that festival and chooses whether to engage or to sit back and observe. Neither are bad positions, they just are. The great thing though? Each person there is following their passion and add so much to life just by the joy they emit with their descriptive words and their beaming smiles. 

If I could live life like I was at a festival every day- I would! And the great thing is we can, and should. Life is too short and we are too blessed to not live it fully. As I was walking around the festival, I was in awe of how wonderfully surrounded I was by great people. My three friends, Ashley, Cameron and Maxann have each taken part of different seasons of my life and are now by the grace of God all in Charlotte. I have never laughed or smiled more in my life and am so thankful for their presence.

As for feeling whole by being a part of the whole- you are a part of God's great plan that he has already put in motion specifically for you but more so for the spreading of himself. The spreading of light into a dark and depressing place, he literally breaks us free from impossibilities and from the walls we build up inside of ourselves.

 Here are a few things that give me such hope in this: 

"If you are but a drop in the ocean, the ocean would be less without that one drop."

 Mother Theresa

// 

 

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

John Donne

//

If thou couldst empty all thyself of self,
Like to a shell dishabited,
Then might He find thee on the Ocean shelf,
And say — "This is not dead," —
And fill thee with Himself instead.

But thou art all replete with very thou,
And hast such shrewd activity,
That, when He comes, He says — "This is enow
Unto itself — 'Twere better let it be:
It is so small and full, there is no room for Me."

T.E. Brown