Looking forward

Funny how
forgiveness fights with
the want to fight
to show our rights
to say "you are wrong,
and all you have told me
all along
is hurtful
and mean
and so untrue
what if I said those things about you
and yet I did not
or did I?
If I did
I would cry
and give you my heart
and pray you'd give me a second start
to show me how you meant to say it all"

But truly,
since honesty we seek
love together we would not leak
but rather the lack
of such a wonderful treat
to share love with a great person you meet
tearing at each others soul
to help the other become "whole"
really? did we do that?
in part
but a lot of healing is happening in our hearts
and I am thankful for how he shaped
my heart after it was raped
of what it had been
and having been restored
was brought to so much more

and now it is not about you
though when helping a dear friend
sort through the end
of something similar to you and I
it brings up bits and pieces
no longer do I cry
but turn to write and listen
to the God who has my heart
and leads
knowing my needs
and my fears
drawing me near
and helping me see
there is nothing
in front of me
that can't be conquered

not from my inner strength
or muscles strong
but from my dear friend and Savior
who has been with me all along
through the doubts and the worries
the slow and the hurry
the pain and destruction
and following construction
to reconstruct
each part
of my broken and bleeding heart
that now is more whole
and happy
and joyful
and full

the past does not define us
but it sure does help us see
all that God is doing
inside of you and me.